Friday, December 12, 2008

Can I Headbutt You in the Stomach?

Yesterday I went to Deb's workplace, an elementary school, to deliver cookies to the 'after-school program', where the children were to have a going away party for one of the adult leaders.

I arrived to witness the utter mayhem that Deb has repeatedly told me about, but my own experience with the kiddies left me wondering whether I should laugh my head off or shake it in dismay until it falls off.

Promptly upon my arrival I was confronted by a girl who seemed remarkably tall and large for her age. She stood nearly toe-to-toe with me and stared and grinned at me without saying a word.

I greeted her and asked her name. No answer, though her friend (or lackey, I'm not sure) quickly let me know who I was dealing with: a girl with a boy's name.

I asked her what grade she was in. A long pause, then, "The 3rd grade." Then came the unexpected, "Can I headbutt you in the stomach?"

I calmly declined her generous offer and informed her that that would be assault (actually battery). She responded with the third-grade-girl equivalent of maniacal laughter. I started worrying about my personal welfare.

"Can I kick you in the shin?" she inquired. No, that too would be assault. More giggling. "Can I punch you in the arm?"

Boy was I glad when she had to go early.

Paradoxically, the boys were uncharacteristically sedate, a number of them sat at a table with knitting hoops making stocking caps.

I felt like I had stepped into an alternate universe.


Katie said...

Oh, my. I am so glad elementary school is behind me. Junior high and high school too, for that matter. Deb is a brave one. Glad to hear you survived your encounter.

Josh Keanaaina said...

Seems to me she might've had a crush on you, pun intended.

Whitney Hardie said...

This is hilarious. Kids are weird.