Tuesday, September 23, 2014

In Which I Discover that the US Navy Wants Me Dead

"But not you, tubby!"

I went in to a Navy recruiter station today to see what it would take to enlist. For a while now I've wondered what it would be like to be a military linguist, or, in the Navy's case, a Cryptologic Technician (Interpretive). So I thought I'd see if they'd take me.

I know I'm a little overweight, but I don't think the recruiter thought so. That is, until I told him how much I weigh. Then he wanted to put me on a scale to make sure I wasn't messing with him.

Apparently for my height of 72 inches, the most I can weigh and join the Navy is 201 pounds. I haven't weighed that little since before my mission to the Samoan islands almost 15 years ago.

I need to lose 84 pounds. You do the math.

The recruiter measured my neck (17.5 inches) and waist at the navel (45 inches) and estimated my body fat at 30%.

Which means, assuming his estimation is any good, at 285 pounds, my body caries 85.5 pounds of fat.

In other words, I would have to get my body fat down to virtually 0%—that is, lose the mass of a largish child—to be just at the max enlistment weight. Hence the title of this post.

But in reality, the max body fat percentage I can have is actually 22% (until I'm 39, then it jumps up to a whopping 23%), which, if I didn't lose any muscle mass, would put me at 255 pounds, a mere 54 pounds over my max enlistment weight.

Do you think they'd let me in if I was nearly 60 pounds overweight but met their body fat requirement (and, of course, the other fitness standards)?

Or would the Navy's apparent prejudice against the naturally muscular carry the day?

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